Blue Skies
by jichulets
Summary: It's the aftermath of the storm of their lives, and they're left to pick up the pieces. And rebuild.


He left.

Angus continued to stare at the cabinet they shared, now half-empty, because _he left_.

They'd had a fight, the worst one they'd had, and things were said that people who were supposed to be in love shouldn't be saying to each other. But they did, and as the dust began to settle he asked Mario, stupidly, ' _are we going to make this work?_ ' Mario looked at him like he'd never done before, like Angus just took a knife and stabbed him with it, and just like that, he said that _no, they weren't,_ and that he'd be leaving, and that Angus can have the apartment, _he's just gonna find a place on his own_. Angus didn't know what to say or do, so he just nodded. Mario stood staring at him for a moment, and he thought that maybe Mario wasn't going to go through with it, but they just stared at each other until Mario finally tore his gaze away and started packing. All the while Angus sat at the edge of their bed, eyes unseeing, until he heard the front door slam, and he realized that they were finally, truly over.

That was when he cried.

* * *

Mario sat at the bar, drink in hand, and he swirls the glass while watching the ice inside slowly melt.

He didn't really know why he was here, only that he needed to be away. Away from that damn house, away from that damn person who took his heart without permission. He wondered if he would ever have it back, if he would ever be over him, because damn if he didn't put his all into that relationship. He didn't even start it! That was Angus, all Angus, with his touches and smiles and his _everything_. If he wasn't so goddamn perfect, then Mario wouldn't be in this mess.

He never wanted to leave.

They'd fought, and he lost control. That was his fault, because he was always the fuckup, wasn't he? He'd said things knowing it would hurt Angus, and he kept pushing, to see what his limits were. Angus- kind, gentle Angus- hadn't wanted to retaliate, but of course, _of fucking course_ , Mario broke him, because that's what he was good at, right? Just breaking the people he loves the most. And he loved Angus above all.

When Angus asked him if they were still going to make their relationship work, he knew that that was it- those words meant that Angus wasn't going to fight anymore, that he'd just go along with whatever Mario wanted, that he was giving up. And Mario may be a lot of things, but he was never one to stay when he wasn't wanted.

So he left.

He even waited, waited for Angus to spring back to life and fight with him, fight _for_ him, but Angus simply nodded. He simply _fucking_ nodded. He really was giving up.

That was when he ran.

* * *

It has been a few months since they broke up, and now that Angus was a surgery resident, they didn't see each other as much anymore. Mario didn't know if it was actually a blessing or a curse, because while not having Angus around dulls the pain a little, he finds himself missing him all the more. Now that he couldn't even see him around, he always has to wonder how Angus was doing. He stops himself from asking Malaya, because the rare times he sees Angus down at the ER he's either with a patient or with his best girl friend. He supposed it's just best friend now though, because he was once the best guy friend and now that's gone, too.

* * *

Angus never goes down to the ER except when he absolutely has to, because he has found that even seeing Mario sends him down a spiral of pain and longing that he doesn't want to be in. But now Mario has invaded his turf, too, because they're sharing a patient and Campbell demanded that Mario be the assist. Angus tries not to be too distracted, because damn if he screws this up just because an ex suddenly shows up, but he knows that Mario was never just an ex, unlike the other boys he's dated in the past.

They brush hands accidentally during the operation, and even though they're gloved and bloodied, he still feels a spark every time. He's always been the cheesy one, the romantic one, and even then he's always known that Mario was the one his heart was sure about.

He doesn't miss all the raven-haired man's furtive glances, and lets himself wonder if even for a moment, Mario had ever been sure about him, too.

* * *

They had a staple restaurant, which they frequented for quick breakfasts before day shifts and heavy meals after night shifts. Angus still went there, because Mario has seen him on days when he stared at the place, gathering the courage to go in but never did.

Today, though, he finally went inside. He doesn't know what made him go, if it was because he was incredibly hungry or if it's because it's his birthday today and he just wanted to feel that a piece of their relationship was still alive _(he knows it's the latter, but he's allowed to lie to himself, isn't he?)_. And the first thing he hears was the laughter he thought he'd never hear again.

His eyes quickly scan the place to locate the source of the sound, and that's when he sees _him_. Only, he's not alone. There's a guy seated in front of him, talking animatedly, making Angus- his Angus- laugh. His stomach drops, and he feels queasy. Of course Angus would eventually move on, _logically_ , but _fuck, it hurts like hell_. Hurts to see him so happy, so open, with someone who isn't him. He even brought the guy to their place! He suddenly feels angry, _so fucking angry_ , because here he was trying to remember him- _them_ \- on his birthday, while there was Angus, and Mario doesn't even know if Angus remembers what today was at all. He doesn't know if Angus remembers him at all.

* * *

Angus knows he should be okay. He found that it's easier with Matt, because finally, it was the other guy doing the pursuing, and he feels wanted. But Angus always catches himself comparing him to Mario, how Mario felt like home, how oftentimes Angus didn't have to say anything- Mario just knew what he needed. He remembered the way they made love, how it was always _making love_ , even when they were going slow or fucking like there's no tomorrow. He knew he could never have that with Matt; he can't make love to him- because he doesn't love him.

He loved Mario. _Loves_ Mario. And he doesn't know how to stop.

* * *

It was almost the end of his third year of residency, and Mario doesn't know where to go after this. He and Angus used to talk about it, if they were going to stay in L.A., or if they were moving someplace else and work in another hospital. But whatever they discussed, it was always with the thought that they'd be staying together no matter what. That after residency, they'd finally figure out where and when and how to settle down.

Now that Mario doesn't have that anymore, he's lost.

Angus won't be done with residency for a while, since he restarted as a surgery resident. Mario toyed with the idea of staying at Angels, if they'll have him, because he doesn't know if he can cope with not seeing Angus, even if he's granted brief glimpses only.

But then he thinks of how Angus is probably making plans with someone else now, someone that isn't him, and he still can't bear the thought.

So he'll run away. Again. This time probably the last.

* * *

Angus listened to Malaya talk about post-residency plans, all the while thinking of all the plans he made with someone else back then. He's not graduating any time soon, so he wasn't going anywhere anyway, but he can't help but wonder what could have been were they still together now. Would Mario have stayed with him? The point is moot anyway, because according to Malaya, Mario's going back to New York. Makes sense, because that was where he was from, but Angus feels nothing but despair, knowing that Mario would be so far away, and that they'd probably never see each other again.

Angus tried to convince himself that this was for the best.

* * *

Mario watched as the sun rose, taking in one of the last sunrises he'd see on this rooftop. He used to kiss Angus here, when they'd go up after the night shift to watch the sun bathe the city in its light. He knew Angus liked to go up here with him because he liked the idea of celebrating a new day of being together, and Mario always teased him for being too romantic, but he secretly loved knowing he'd get to spend another day with the one he loved the most, too.

He heard footsteps approach him, and sensed someone stand next to him. He stiffened, because he knew that scent- still knows it- and he's never forgotten how it made him want to burrow his face in the other man's neck and just breathe him in.

"Do you remember that time when we were running to catch the sunrise but when we got here we were too late, and I was bummed, but you said that it didn't matter, because it's still a new day with me?" Angus whispered, looking at the city skyline.

"Of course I remember. I've never forgotten anything about you." Mario confessed, like it was nothing more but fact. Angus turned to look at him, smiling softly.

"So you remember that time when you tried to get me to do it here but we were almost caught?"

Mario smirked. "Of course." Then his smirk drops, and he sighed. "Why are you here, Angus?"

"Malaya told me you'd be here."

"And?"

"And she told me you're leaving as soon as residency ends."

"And?" There was an edge to Mario's tone when he replied. Angus winced.

"I just thought, I don't know. That maybe we should see each other again. Say a proper goodbye. I don't know."

Mario didn't think his heart was capable of breaking any more, but it was. Just with those words. _Say a proper goodbye_. _Goodbye_. He snapped. "Why? What for? The first one isn't good enough? Do you want to rub it in my face some more? To break me one last time? What, Angus?"

Angus' eyes flashed with anger, "What the fuck, Mario? If I remember correctly, you were the one who left! You! So don't you dare blame me! Don't you fucking dare!" he started to walk away, but turned back and marched towards Mario, pointing a finger at him. "I waited for you to come back. I waited for you to change your mind! Didn't change anything in the apartment for _months_ just in case you came back and wanted everything just the way it was!"

Guilt ate away at Mario's core, seeing how hurt Angus appeared in front of him, knowing he was the cause of it. But he was nothing if not obstinate. "Yeah, well, I'm sure it's all changed now, right? Thanks to _Matt_." Mario spits out the name, which feels like a stab to his heart.

"Matt? What- Matt is nothing! We're long over! But you wanna know something, Mario? He was the first boy since you who made me feel wanted, and he was the first to actually pursue me. Did you know that?" Angus' eyes shone with unshed tears. Mario wants him to stop talking, _no, he doesn't want to know that,_ but Angus pressed on. "He loved me, but I couldn't love him back. I could never. You wanna know why? Because I've never stopped loving you! Never! And believe me, I tried. But I just don't know how to stop. I don't know why…" Angus' was freely crying now, wiping tears fiercely with his hands, turning his back towards Mario so he won't see.

They've been through so much, _so fucking much_ , and Mario doesn't know how to undo all this pain and all the baggage. He stood there looking at Angus helplessly, wanting to reach out, but not knowing how to. "I… I never stopped loving you, too."

Angus faces him, still in tears. "Then why didn't you come back?"

"Because I thought you've given up on me." He sighed, and took a step towards Angus, closing the distance between them. "When you asked me if we were still gonna try to make our relationship work, it felt like you were giving up on me."

"I wasn't. I just wanted to know how to move forward- if you still wanted to move forward with me. I wanted you to say yes."

Another step. "But I didn't."

"You didn't. And that's when I thought you were giving up on _me_. So I let you leave."

Another step. "I wanted you to stop me."

"I have my limits, Mario. I wasn't even sure why you were with me in the first place. It made sense that you'd eventually leave."

Mario took another step, and now he's less than an arm's length away. He reaches for Angus' hand.

"Ask me again."

"What?"

"Ask me again, Angus. That is, if you still want to."

This time, it was Angus who tugged him closer by the hand. "You're leaving. Going to New York."

"I'll stay if you give me reason to."

Angus clutches the front of his shirt at that point, and crashes his lips to Mario's. Mario draws him closer, afraid that this isn't real and that he'd be woken up at some point, but when Mario pulls away from his lips to trail kisses on his neck up to his earlobe, and Angus moans the way he used to, Mario thinks _fuck, this is really happening_ , and goes back to ravishing his lips. He pushes Angus against a wall and savors every kiss, until Angus pushes him away, gently. "I need to breathe." Mario allows him the space, but doesn't stray too far, their breaths mingling.

"Ask me again, Angus."

Angus brushes the tip of his nose to Mario's, then shakes his head. "No."

Feeling like someone punched him in the gut, Mario took a step back. "N-no?"

The taller man pulls him flush against his chest. "No, Mario. I'm not going to ask, I'm done asking. I'm telling. We are going to make this work."

Mario finally lets out a laugh the same time his tears started falling. He hugs Angus, tight, and nods against his shoulder, neither one wanting to let go.

It was a new day.


End file.
